i have two topics today.
1) Memories
2)Mean girl

1)  So last night Tyler started pulling out pictures for his graduation video.  We came across a bunch of pics of my dad with him and also with the other grandkids.  It was very sad and somewhat depressing yet somewhat warm feelings moved through me.  Although at times i may claim to not have had the best childhood, i do believe in my heart and soul that my dad did the best he could.  I believe that he loved each and every one of us more than we will ever know.  I heard a song on the radio yesterday called, "a father's love.  It was about a father who didn't know how to express his love verbally so he did it in his actions.  This was my dad.  Fixing a car, painting a house and even babysitting my kids! I think he loved to babysit the kids.  And he was good at it.  I wish I had more pictures of my kids when they were young with my dad.....

2) Why am I such a mean girl towards my mother?  Do I have underlying anger that I am holding against her?  Probably.  I'm not sitting here stewing about it or anything but I must.  I feel so bad that I'm so mean to her.  I just can't stop or help it.  I need to stop being like this because my time with her is limited.  She is pushing 80 years old.  She is a granny on the go and is in great shape which I'm greatful for.  There are people in my situation that are caring for BOTH parents.  Not ready to deal with that...  I must attempt to be a nicer daughter to her.  We just butt heads.  Oh, how I hope it's not because we are so much alike.. yikes!  I will strive hard to be a better person.  Calm/relaxed around my mother.   This is NOT her fault.

i miss my daddy