i think my blog
is depressing..
i guess that is to be
given the topic i
have chosed to
blog about.
i suppose i could
change it up and blog about
more things.
i will think about that.
my life is fairly
uneventful though with
the exception of the
little disease known as
Alzheimer's...

positives in the world of Pops:
1) loves to go for car rides.
2) never complains about anything.
3) fairly well adjusted.
4) huge smiles when he sees me :)
5) short term memory is GONE so he
has -0- recollection of bad things.
6) gets pleasure out of simple things.
7) has no clue who people are anymore and
therefore has no idea what he's missing.
Some of these things sound horrible yet
they really are positives when living
with this awful disease.
when you are close to this disease and
you witness things daily you can
understand this.

i miss my daddy

so over medicated.....
i feel so bad about it.
a man who never took
any pills ever is now
suddenly completely
oblivious
due to tons of
mind altering
medication.
maybe this is the best
thing that could be happening.
how do i know?
to get you to a place
where you don't care
about anything going
on around you....
maybe that is best.
i hate the saddness i
see in you though.
i want happiness.
i wish you would sing.
i really wish you would sing.

i miss my daddy

you were always a quiet man
but your love was always felt.
few words were said
but many words were heard.
you were such a fun loving man.
so laid back and calm.
i knew you were always there
for me and would come when i called.
i cherlish the memories of
being with you.
walking Josie in the early
morning hours, just you and me.
talking about life.
our walks up to the pool
talking about life.
i usually did most of the talking
and you listened and
interjected when needed.
i'm so glad i have those
memories and many more
to hang onto.
but i wish you were here
with me today so we
could make many more
happy memories.

i miss my daddy

(*the below is from an AD suport group blog that I'm a part of)

My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease about 8 years ago. My mother was his caregiver up until August of 2009. She decided at that time she couldn't care for him anymore. He is now in a memory care unit. It has been the most heart wrenching event of my entire life. To see the man that raised you, the heirarchy of the family in this predicatment is unbearable. I spend many days with him and we have a different relationship now that we never would've had. It is somewhat a reversal in roles, I'm the parent, he's the child. Like Kate's comment, I try very hard to focus on my father and his needs and forget about others. I tell myself daily that I am only responsible for my own actions. My siblings are mostly good for nothing, and there is 7 of them. I will now tell myself often, " It is more important to be a good daughter than a good sister".

i miss my daddy

"Enjoy today because it will be better than tomorrow. But be sure to enjoy tomorrow because it will be better than the next day"

well, vacation is over.
i'm back to reality.
it was a wonderful break
that was needed really bad.
so bad in fact that i did
not even realize it until
i was gone. it was then
that i sighed a bit of relief.
i certainly never forgot
about what is going on
but it sure was nice to
escape from for awhile.
i came back sick and so
i couldn't go see papa
until Sunday, which was Easter.
i brought him home with me.
it was great.
we had a lovely day.
when leah and i picked him
up he was thrilled to see us.
he loves us so much.
i'm glad that it shows through
other ways besides verbal.
i continue to have many
frustrating emotions on 
a daily basis. i've
decided recently that
the one i'm feeling the
most lately is
DISAPPOINTMENT......
this is a horrible feeling.
almost worse than sad, mad,
angry...
the battle continues with
these many feelings.
i will continue to do what
i need to do for myself.
doesn't take away the feeling
of
disappointment i feel towards
others....
their loss...

i miss my daddy