A big weekend!

This weekend is the big
Walk to end Alzheimer's.
We should have about 20
people walking with us and
we have raised just under
$4,000!!
We are very excited about this.
When you have a family member
that has Alzheimer's, you mostly
feel useless and helpless.
By doing this walk and earning
money, it is a way to do good and
to give something back.
I have utilized the services of
the Alzheimer's Association
several times and it is truly
a great organization that helps
people/caregivers in their time of need.
I still feel bad about most of my
family members and their lack
of interest in helping us.
But I am learning to let go of 
all of the anger that has built up.
Which is huge!
I'm realizing there is nothing to
be angry about.
This is on their shoulders, not mine.
I do all I can do.
I also come to realize that I don't
think it's that they don't "want"
to help.  It's more that they
don't know "how" to help.  
And also that they are scared.
They hate the thought of Pops
with this disease and they just
don't know how to deal.
Someone once said to me, 
"Katie, you are the chosen one"
I've had to think about this alot
but I think I get it now.
I'm the one chosen to be able
to deal with it.
I'm the one chosen to able 
to handle it.
I'm the one chosen to stay
close to my dad.
I'm the one chosen to be able
to make decisons regarding
his cares and his life.
I'm glad I'm the chosen one.
I can't imagine having it any
other way.

i miss my daddy

Two months???

It's been two months since
I posted???
What the heck.
Time sure does fly.
The summer absolutly flew
by.  Just in the blink of an eye.
Things are very stable with Pops.
Last night was a wonderful
visit for Leah and I.
I was so happy to see Pops
smile and enjoy himself.
I know he's in there and I
know he knows who we are.
I don't care what anyone else
says about it.  I don't think anyone
else spends enough time with him
to witness it, but when you are there
for hours like us, you will see it.
It's in his eyes.  He stares at us.
Deep stares, deep into our souls.
Sometimes eery.  Mostly happy though.
He reaches for my hand and wants to hold it.
He watches my every move and keeps his eye on me.
When i sing to him he laughs!
He brings me so much joy.  I mean don't get
me wrong, I want my dad back bad.
But ya know, I will take what we got last
night and love it.  Considering this disease
and what it does to people.........
I'll take it :)

i miss my daddy