That will never happen to me

That will never happen to me is something we all say.
I can remember looking at people who had
to care for their ageing parents and think,
that will never be me....
Well here I am.
The shell of my father sitting at the table.
Eating the lunch I just made him.
Not acknowledging me or looking at me.
Not saying my name or knowing who I am.
This IS my life now.
This IS my father now.
That DID happen to me.
Now I live with this pain called Alzheimer's haunting
my everyday.
My father would be so sad if he knew what was happening.
He would be devasted to know the pain this causes us.
He was and is a wonderful man.
But he is just a shell of my father.

The glove

Hmm
Why do I forget about this??
Back to my main reason....
Alzheimers.
I have picked Pops up the last two days in a row. 1st day, good mood, not so bad. Things went quite well. 2nd day, crabby, still went good but he wasn't as happy.
Which sucks. Just when you think things are seeming a bit better, you get hit again..
Nothing will ever bring him back but when I see glimpses of who he was, it is wonderful and
terrible all at the same time. We brought him to Donnas last night and he rode in the backseat, Tyler had a pair of gloves back there and Pops put one on. He looked like MIchael Jackson! I wasn't going to tell him to take it off since he gets cranky. It was pretty funny! We must keep our sense of humor!
Total family weekend ahead.. Good and bad there as well. I wish I could just be happy with my family and not feel the need to complain about them, but that is just not the way it is. oh well. I am sure all families are like this. Some much worse. We just shove things under the rug and pretend they didn't or aren't happening. Some families yell and scream and have blow outs and never talk again. hmmm wonder which is worse.

FRIDAY FRIDAY!
Yay! Finally Friday. I swear, I live for the weekends lately.
And man do I miss having Fridays off in the Summer.
Yuck. Sucks working them.
Just sort of had to start working them again a few
years back. Just life I guess. Sure do hate it though.


Going to Battle today. Bob is driving up himself around noon and
I will go when I get off work. I do like it up there, however, a little
bit rustic for me. No big.. I can deal. Just not my idea of a perfect
weekend. Much rather have a cabin to be in. He loves it though,
so I make every attempt to do the same!


Starving... brought a salad. Delish but boring! Need to figure out food
for the weekend.


Pretty boring.

Today is Bobby's 50th bday. Who woulda thought I'd end up with an old guy! Just joking. I love him to death! He has been such a wonderful part of the last 9 years. Just incredibly sick of people asking when we will get married. Really? Isn't this 2009? hmmm. Get with the times people. I get the older generations wondering about it, but our peers. Get over yourselves people. The more you talk about it, the further away I run from it. Psych 101 you would think!

I passed my motorcycle permit test this morning! SOmething I have wanted to do for awhile. It was pretty easy. I panicked a bit in the beginning but pulled it off in the end. Now to practice riding some more and to take the safety class. The one I wanted to take next week was canceled. Now I will have to wait and see about another one. I don't feel like wasting a whole weekend on it but if I have to I guess I will.

Monday

Good weekend. Party came and went and was a hit! Glad it is over. It was a ton of fun.

Of course I broke down and called. No clue as to why I haven't called. Made a comment about,
"you have been absent enough"..
Really?

End of my Monday
going home :-)

Today is a big day! Bob's surprise party. I wish I wasn't such a freak out. I just freak myself out all the time over little crap. When in the scheme of life, BIG DEAL!!! Need to get over it.
Also, my mother is still pissed off at me for the whole Vegas trip. She is mad she didn't get to go. Sorry. She wouldn't have had any fun there anyway. NOT a place for 78 year old ladies. She doesn't see it. She is stubborn. I'm stubborn too. Of course I'll be the one who gives. Which I hate. Why can't she just realize what she does/says. Her words and actions are so painful. She doesn't get it. I understand her life sucks. Bad.. I get that. But she seems to have forgot she is my mother. And I am her daughter. I need a mother still! SHe doesn't see it at all. I need to get over it. Life is too short to worry about things like that. I need to keep my life in perspective. Sometimes it is hard but I will continue to work on it. I never want to make my own children feel the way I feel today. :-(

Alzheimers

I sort of forgot I had started this blog to just track daily living. I think I will try to start doing that for myself. But more importantly start writing things I remember about my dad. And my mom too for that matter. I fear I will not recall these memories and only have the recent ones which are not the greatest to remember.
Dad seemed quite a bit better after we put him on the new pill. It is a heavy duty anti-psychotic pill that scared the crap out of me. But after seeing him and seeing that it does seem to be improving his communication a bit, I think it will be ok. Of course nothing is a cure. Just something to buy a little more time. He seemed to enjoy life more. We took him for a walk and we also took him for a boat ride. He liked both and didn't complain a bit. He listened to some music but didn't sing along. I miss those days. I hope I get to hear him sing again soon. He loved to sing. He loved music his whole life. And loved dancing! My mom and dad were in a dance club when I was young. They would get together with friends once a month and go to the Legion and dance. I think they both loved it. I sure don't think are are things to do like that anymore. Too bad.. Mom also was part of a card club too. Where they would meet once a month at peoples houses and play cards and smoke and drink! Good times for her I'm sure!!