He sure does love me!

Papa sure does love me!
He looks at me with his
brown eyes and they say it.
He can't say it, but his eyes speak.
Someone once told me that he
speaks with his eyes and i totally
see it.  It is wonderful.
Yesterday when I told him I was leaving
his eyes got huge.  I could tell he
didn't want me to leave but he
cannot express himself verbally.
I could see it in his eyes.  I told him
I would be back soon and that made him
happy.  I asked him for a kiss on the cheek
and he gave me one!!!
He sure does love me.

i miss my daddy

And...some days I just want to cry

Some days are so sad.
I just hate it.
The look on his face.
The actions.
I get so sad and depressed
about it.
I work hard at letting things
go.  Just try hard to roll with
things and let things go.
But somedays it is hard.
And some days I don't want
to let things go.
I have to deal with this.
It is my reality.
My dad is gone.
My dad is slowly dying
a miserable death.
Some days I see it.
He is forgetting how to eat.
He has no idea what food is.
If I hand him a candy bar,
he doesn't know what to
do with it. If I give him a glass
of rootbeer, he doesn't know
what to do with it.
What a terrible thing....
Food used to be one of the
few joys he had left in life
and now that is going away.
Music used to be one of the
few joys he had left and that
is also slowly going away.
He does seem to like the music
but I don't get the reaction I did
6-12 months ago.
I just wish I could hear him
sing one more time...

i miss my daddy

Somedays when I go see my dad
it seems as though he has no idea
who I am. 
And other days when I go see my dad
his face lights up and he smiles and
laughs when he looks at me!
Yesterday was one of those days!
I had been there for a couple of hours.
He had chatted with me, patted my leg,
held my hand and looked right at me.
But as I was getting ready to leave and
he was in his bed, he looked at me and
got a HUGE smile on his face and started
giggling.  He just kept doing it while he stared
at me! I went over closer to him and he
reached out for my hand.  I gave him my hand
and he shook it while smiling. In that moment,
he was so happy and so content.   I am so
glad that I am able to give that to him.
It is a funny thing to witness.....
But I would not trade it for anything.
It is so precious!!!
i love my daddy

i miss my daddy

My dad loved sports.
I love sports.
I never really realized it growing up
but he was teaching me to be a sports lover!
I clearly remember sitting in our living room
in Golden Valley watching our counsel TV and
him teaching me the game of
football!
I have been a fan ever since.
He brought me to 1 Vikings game at the
old Met Stadium.  I remember it clearly.
He brought be to alot of North Star games at
the old Met Center.  Including playoff hockey!
I LOVED the North Stars.
Those are some very fond memories I
have of my father that I just don't think of
very often.  He wasn't a man of many words.
In fact, he was fairly quiet....
But the words he spoke stuck with me.
He will be on my mind tonight as I go to
Target Field to watch playoff baseball.
He is on my mind now as I hear about
the Vikings getting Randy Moss again.
He would be LOVING sports in Minnesota right now.

i miss my daddy