arghh.
yawn.
somedays i just get so sick
of this situation that we are in.
that I am in.
it makes me tired and cranky.
i don't like that it makes me feel that
way but i'm not sure what to do about it.
i really try and deal as best i can.
it's exhausting.
somedays i just dont want to think
about it.
and then somedays i don't think
about it.
i just go about my day and then think
what am i going to do tonight.. i run
through things in my mind and then
suddenly think.....
i have to go see pops.
HAVE is a strong word.
need??
want??
it is more like it is time to go see pops.
i try to go everyother day at a minimum.
i feel that this is a fair amount of time
for me and for him.
sometimes it's every third day.
i do what i can.
hate the guilt.
i wonder why no one else in this
family feels the guilt.????
or do they just not deal with it
as always???
i don't get it.
i don't get how you walk away from
your father/grand-father in his
greatest time of need.
i've been over this.
no need beating a dead horse
so to speak.


i miss my daddy