Today is pop's birthday!
79
We had a small pizza
party for him yesterday.
It was fun. I think he
enjoyed himself. It is hard
to tell but I think he did.
Maybe a bit overwhelming
but overall, he seemed happy.
Ryan brought the girls and
so he seemed to like them.
Alissa came also with Riley
and Dylan. He didn't seem
very interested in the baby
but did look at him.
He just does not know the
meaning of words so when I
say, "this is your great-grandson",
he has no clue.
It continues to be the saddest,
most painful thing I have had
to go through in my life.
Last week I started feeling sick.
Bob thinks I'm having anxiety
attacks. I am not feeling
overly stressed or anxious.
I just think it is soo much to
deal with and so it must cause
some health problems. I am
trying hard to be aware of this
and step back when I feel it happening.
Take time for myself. I am
hoping we are going out of town this
weekend so that will be HUGE for me..
I cannot wait. It will be terribly sad
at the cabin again knowing that
he will not be there anymore but
it is life, and i just must deal with it.

i miss my daddy