This picture was taken last year just prior to us having to put Pops into a home.  It makes me feel very sad to look at it because it was the last time he was home.

I went to the Wellstead last night for the 2nd time.  It seems really great.  He seems as though he's being cared for.  He was happy and talkative and in a pretty good mood.  Some weird things happened but nothing really bad.  He does have some bruising but I guess my feeling is that if he is happy and being cared for, well , I guess we can live with the bruising.  I would guess sometimes they have to touch him to take care of him.  We had a nice visit.  He was eerily "there" last night also.  He said things like, "when are we getting out of here".  He pointed outside the gates and said, "I want to go out there".  Sometimes these things are comforting and other times they are heart-wrenching.  Mostly it's the latter.

I miss my daddy

Change

Friday 6/18
Care Conference with Jan, Rose, Kris, Mary Clare, Mary Pam, Leona, Donna and Katie
They asked us to start looking for a new place for Pops
We had already decided to do this based on inadequate care.  This place is a disaster and
they have given up on him.  It is incredibly sad. At this point they have pretty much quit caring
for him and he hasn't been able to participate or be involved in anything.  Also, I believe it has
been at least 10 days if not longer since he has had a shower. He has a terrible odor and is just
plain dirty/
Saturday 6/19 9:30pm:
I receive a call from "Comfort" at the home. She says that Don has gotten into someone elses bed
and that when the lady went in there he kicked at her.  She did not get hurt. The staff wanted me to come in
at 9:30 on Sat. night and take care of him. I was not available or anywhere near the home. I talked with my sister and she went up there. By the time she got there the staff had figured out how to get him out of the bed. They used food which is really common sense if you pay attention to him. By the time my sister got there he was good to go.
Monday 6/21/10 12:pm
I never heard another word from anyone at the Waterford after Saturday.  I was up there twice on Sunday for Father's Day and everyone said things were going just fine.  Monday around noon I get a call from Rose saying that they are going to call 911 based on the "incident" that occured on Saturday night.  It was at that time that I told her they were NOT calling 911 and sending him to a hospital because he was not sick. I told them I would be by within 2 hours to pick him up and move him out.  We had enough of the inadequate care that he had been receiving.  We would care for him at home.  And we did just that.   6/21-6/28 we cared for him at my moms apartment in Crystal. My mom, my sister and I round the clock 24/7.....I began giving him his meds. on a regular basis which we are fairly confident was NOT happening at the Waterford.  After about 3 days in our care, his mood stabilized and he actually started talking, smiling and laughing.  We are not looking back, only ahead.
Tuesday 6/29:  We moved Pops into the Wellstead of Rogers today.  Hoping and praying that all goes well.
My heart is aching and I cry often but remain opimistic.  It is a great place!  The staff is outstanding.

6/17/10 - Happy :)

Yesterday was a pretty darn good day.
All the excitement is over and the
company is gone.  When I arrived
he was thrilled to see me.  Very
lucid and with it. He was chatting
and making lots of sense.  It felt great!
He also looked good and also
seemed to be focusing in on me more.
It seems as though he was not as
drugged up as he had been.
Who knows.  Because then I called my
mom and she said he had been terrible
for her earlier in the day......
We are planning on moving him.
I'm scared about it but it seems like we should.
They don't know how to handle him.
All they ever talk about is how bad he is
and how bad the agitation is.
It is time. There are facilities out there
much more equipt to take care of him.
I hope it works.
Nervous..

i miss my daddy

i have slacked off once again.
soo busy preparing for grad party.
it is hard to continue with life
as i know it and then throw in
something else. having to get
ready for this party is consuming
so much of my time i haven't
been to see pops as much.
you would think i could do
this without feeling much guilt.
yeah, right! it sucks. i just feel
so bad.  and i also miss him.
i know that he would not want me to fret
though. he would tell me to do
what i have to do.
my dad was a man of few words,
but for some reason his wisdom
sticks with me.
i also have decided that planning
a grad. party is no reason to
stress or freak out as i've done
in the past. big deal, it will
get done. the party will happen.
THIS is a big deal. and THIS is
something to stress about.
THIS SUCKS.

i miss my daddy

"KATIE"

"KATIE"
The sweetest word I've heard
in a very long time!
I said, "come on dad, come with me"
He said, "who are you"
I said, "It's me, Katie"
"KATIE"??
It was wonderful.
The aids found it sad and
depressing but not me!
I know that he doesn't
always know me. 
But I have not heard him
speak my name in so
long  and so
I LOVED IT :)
Also that same day,
when I first got there,
he was in the bed but
not sleeping.  Just laying
there looking at all of the
family pictures like he
does every single day.
I went up to him and said,
"Hi Papa, It's me Katie,
your daughter".
He smiled so big and just
stared into my eyes and
examined my face.  I was
thrilled an overjoyed.
I have not felt that much
love from him in a very long time.
It was precious!
If you are an outsider
looking in I'm sure these
things seem sad. 
But for me, living in the moment,
taking it all in, and accepting it
and running with it because I have
no choice and there is no other option....................
I LOVE those little things.
That is my dad and I love him
He still means the word to me
and is still my hero.
These gestures are all I have left of him.
I WILL TAKE THEM!!!!  : )

i miss my daddy

How much longer?

oh---
how much longer can i deal?
i am feeling so overwhelmed
and frustrated by my life.
i'm wondering how long this can go on?
in actuality, i know the answer to that...
a long freakin' time.
he is 79.
10 years???
i doubt it.
5 years???
a good possibility.
i get so drained.
life gets so busy and i
feel as though i'm pulled all
over as does everyone.
but then i add in my trips to
be with him.
NOT everyone does this.
in fact, few do.
i continue to work hard
at not focusing on this and
not having anger.
i need to just focus on him
i just don't know how
much longer i can do it.
it is physically and mentally draining.
it wears me out to no end.

i miss my daddy