smiles :-)

Today we had a care conference
with all the powers that be.........
I thought it went well.
They were very concerned
and also appreciated all of
the things we brought up.
Not sure what will happen,
if anything
but things needed to be said.
I am sure I talked the most
but then again, I know the most.
After the meeting we went to see
Pops.
He was in his room, sitting in
his chair listening to music.
HAPPY!
He was smiling like crazy

when we came in the door.
He was overjoyed and
THRILLED
that we were there.
That made me feel sooooooooo
GREAT!
The smile stayed on his face.
He was in a very good mood.
I'm so glad of that.
I had to leave right away to
get back to work.
Donna and Annie stayed I hope for awhile.
These are the moments
I live for...
The moments I treasure
and
The moments that
I hope come more
often..............................
i miss my daddy

Again, I have let time go by
and not updated my blog.
Kind of on purpose.
Nothing really good to say
Except that Mary was
here.
We had an awesome time
and I enjoyed her
company, input and help
in dealing with this situation.
Somedays I feel so alone.
I know I am not.
But....no one seems
to get it or to care as much
as i do.
Mary got it and Mary cared.
I am struggling with
guilt
almost daily.
I feel so bad that he has
to be in that place.
It just does not seem fair.
To live your life, earn a living,
raise a family, retire, travel
and then end up here.
UNFAIR.
i missy my daddy

Missing an important man.

Labor Day came and went.
It's funny how the world just keeps
on going despite any issues you
have going on. Sickness, depression,
happiness, sadness, it just keeps on
a going. Nothing stops. Nothing waits.
People just keep going on about
their business. My world feels like
it has slowed down a bit. Even though
I'm busy as always, it just has a calm
sense of slowness in regards to my dad.
I was amazed when I looked at the calendar
today and realized it has only been 2.5 weeks.
Seems like forever.
Tyler and I went on Monday and Tuesday.
Both days he was in his room in the bed.
Monday dressed and attempting a nap.
And yesterday in bed for the night at 7pm
He flew out though when we walked in.
VERY glad to see us. Donna was there
during the day. He seems ok but it is
sure sad. There is an underlying look
that he is giving me that is trying to
say something. I am unsure what it is.
My kids have both commented on this
so I know it's not just me and I'm not going
crazy. He sure seems to know more now
than he has known in a very long time.
I feel like visiting him everyday because
of the joy I bring. I will attempt to do
this. It is hard, but I will try my best.
It is what you do for your parents.
I miss my daddy

Things are going
pretty good.
We are feeling pretty good about
how things are going with pops
at the new place.
He seems happy.
In fact, possibly more
happy than he seemed
before he went there.
He continues to laugh
and to sing and to
carry on when we go
to visit him. I feel like
we have a long road
ahead of us but I feel
quite optimisitic
about things. He is my
dad and I will be there
for him.
Others, not so much.
Thank God for my
daughter
who helps out so much.
And who he loves the most!
I'm so happy about that.
I'd rather have him know
my children than know me.
They miss their Papa.
I miss my daddy.

Today is the best
he will ever be again.
Someone said that to me.
I guess that is true.
This disease is progressive.
It only gets worse.
It doesn't get better.
We certainly can have
days that are better than
the last.
But today is the best he will
ever be again........

Monday was the day
She dropped him off.
I haven't heard
anything since then.
hmmmm
What to do..
I will see if she called
to check on him.
To see how his night
went. To see how his
day is going.
Otherwise, I will call
tomorrow. I will visit
on Thursday for music.
I feel sad
I feel sick to my stomach
My heart hurts
aches
devasted
I missy my daddy

I'd like to go away from here please
I wish I could just not think
about it for awhile
I don't think that is
possible for me
That is who I am
I care
I don't get the other
people
and why they don't care
I cannot understand
comprehend
or
fathom
it
Each to their own
At the end of the day
I will know I was there
I will know I've done all
I can

I miss my daddy

The time is now
We have found a place that
we all agree on and like
The fact that it is nice
doesn't help the fact
that I don't want to do this
We really don't have
any other option at this point
This is just the progression
that this disease is taking
I am NOT ready for it
I do NOT want to do it
I feel suddenly as though
I need to cram tons of things
into the last few days of
his life in the outside world
I know that I will be able to
take him out but I also know
that it will be different
Last night we have the 1st
evaluation by the RN and the
Occupational Therapist
I was supposed to be paying attention
to the RN who was talking
with my mom and I but
all I could do was listen
to my dad talk to the OT
He was actually talking
and listening and attempting
to answer questions
I listeted intently as his
brain searched for answers,
sometimes they came freely,
other times he never found them
Either way, he was happy and
he was talking and I was
enjoying hearing him speak
He doesn't know how many kids he has.....3 or 4
boys or girls? mostly girls, i guess
What city are you in? East Moline, IL
Holds up a picture of my mom, "is this your wife" No.
No recognition whatsoever
Points to a pen, what is this? no answer
Points to her ring, what is this? no answer
It was very sad
I miss my daddy